Sherbert Shepherd's Pie?

Ingredients:

• 1 lb ground beef
• 3 tablespoons diced onions
• 1 cup peas
• 1 cup carrots
• 12 Peruvian potatoes
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1 tablespoon parsley
• 1 tablespoon oregano
• 1 tablespoon black pepper
• 1 tablespoon cayenne pepper
• 1 tablespoon salt
• 1/4 cup Lea and Perrins worchestershire sauce
• 3 tablespoons HP sauce
• 1 tablespoon A1 sauce
• 1 tablespoon Frank's Red Hot sauce
• cheddar cheese

Cooking time: 35 minutes

Set list:
Prince - Purple Rain, Raspberry Beret
Ravage - Grapes of Wrath...hell, play all of The End of Tomorrow

I'm dogsitting for a friend this week, and she's got some excellent fresh local produce access, the spoils of which included these odd, tiny, purple potatoes. Apparently they're from Peru (thanks, google!), and are the ancestors of modern potatoes (thanks, Beth!). They're also pretty good, barely distinguishable in taste from their fatter Idahoan (Idahonian? San DiegON?) descendants. When you use them to make mashed potatoes, the result looks oddly like Raspberry sherbert. Sherbet? Screw that, I'm an American man, I say sherbert.

First off, make mashed potatoes. This is where your Prince comes in...you need to FEEL the purple. Peel the potatoes (this is a huge asspain with these little jerks...I did ten and as you'll see, it wasn't enough, so definitely go for more if you're in doubt), and throw them in some boiling water. Look at those weird potatoes! They're so good, but they're overlooked outcasts, just like Prince! And they're tiny just like him! And Clarence Williams III is their father! Yes, Cuban B! Ahem. Once tender (about 10-15 minutes), drain most of the water, add the butter, milk, and a bit of salt, and mash away. Peel and your carrots and throw them in some water to boil while you're working on the next step.

Throw on some Ravage and get ready to filthy yourself with dead animal fun. Take your ground beef and throw it in a large bowl. Throw the onions, oregano, parsley, peppers, and salt on top. (I sometimes throw in some chives if I'm feeling randy.) Using your hands, thoroughly mix it all together so that the stuff you've added to the beef is pretty uniformly spread. Ignore Al Ravage's poor vocals and focus on his brother's sick, sick guitar work. In a large frying pan, flatten out the beef mixture until the pan is covered, flattening out the meat as best as you can.



Heat on medium high for about 5-7 minutes until there's bubbling on the edges, which should mean that the bottom of the beefy pancake has been cooked. Using a spatula, cut the beefcake into four equal size slices, and flip each one over.



Seriously, listen to Ravage. They're a really good band.

Once both sides are cooked through, stack the 'slices' on top of each other, use the spatula to hold them firmly against the pan, bring it all over the sink and drain off any fat. Return it to the heat and use the spatula to cut up the beef into little cubes. Raise the heat a little to brown the beef to your liking, then add all the sauces. Chop up your cooked carrots and throw them in the pan with the peas, and let them all cook for a few minutes, stirring occasionally.



Next, spoon the mixture into a baking pan, and spread it out along the bottom. Take your mashed potatoes and gently layer it on top with a spoon. If you're having trouble, try to imagine it's 1989...that makes Ravage easier to take seriously. A good move with the mashed potatoes, though, is to start at the edges like you would with a puzzle, making a sort of border, and then carefully filling in the middle. I, of course, screwed up and didn't make enough, so mine ended up looking a little lame. Using the underside of your fork, gently make little trenches - this makes it so the potatoes will crisp nicely.



Finally, throw it in the oven, set it to broil, and scorch the hell out of it for about 5-10 minutes. Ovens vary, so be sure to constantly check on it every minute or so - a burnt pie is no fun. One the potato ridges have browned nicely, remove and let cool. Shred some cheddar cheese over the pie (I didn't have any this time because I am a fool...a DAMN FOOL).



Mine obviously looks weird because I didn't have enough potatoes, and the uncovered mixture burnt a little, but i have many varying excuses! I was using different weird potatoes in a foreign kitchen! I was laughing too hard during 'In Shattered Dreams' when you know Al Ravage wanted to deliver a triumphant wail, but barely mustered a tepid "WHOA oh whoa YEAH oh!" instead!