Buffalo Chicken Disco Fries

Ingredients:

• 2 potatoes
• 1 chicken breast
• 2 tablespoons butter (1 for the gravy, 1 for the buffalo sauce)
• 1 cup - 1 1/2 cups vegetable oil
• 1 cup Frank's Red Hot sauce
• 1 cup beef broth
• 1/2 cup -1 cup bread crumbs
• 1 teaspoon flour (for the chicken)
• 1 tablespoon flour (for the gravy)
• 1 tablespoon dried parsley
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• salt and pepper to taste

Cooking time:
40 minutes

Set List:

• Goo Goo Dolls - A Boy Named Goo (Buffalo)
• Chromeo - She's In Control (Montreal)

This dish is quite possibly the worst thing a person can eat. Stuff like this is why I can't bring myself to purchase a deep fryer - in the few months my friend left his at my house, I found myself spiraling deeper and deeper down a dark greasy road. Where did that road lead? Let's just say it involved chicken, bacon, hot sauce, and an abandonment of all hope. I was glad to see that device returned to its rightful owner - never before had I proved myself so unworthy of anything.

These fries, while not as horrible for you as those bacony fireballs I made with the deep fryer, are still not going to do your arteries any favors. But this is delicious food, so if your arteries ever step out of line, smack them in their stupid life-channeling faces with some fries.

In a large non stick frying pan, pour in a layer of oil about 1/2 inch thick, and heat it on a medium low setting. Peel the potatoes and cut them into fry-like shapes, which you may recognize from fast food joints, diners, or the lining of John Candy's casket. I like them thinner for this, but whatever, it's your life. By the time you've got your potatoes cut up, the oil should be heated enough, so just dump them all in - try to make an even layer of it all. Of course, you can use the aforementioned deep fryer, and all of this will come out better and in less time, but that's a path towards the dark side. First it's fish and chips, then one day you find yourself at the petting zoo trying to figure out if you could fit Baah-ba O'Riley into your fryer. You fucked up!

Next, take your chicken breast and dice it up into little half inch chunks. Get a Ziploc bag and mix up the bread crumbs, flour, and parsley. Whisk an egg in a bowl, coat the chicken in it, then throw the chicken in the bag. Make sure all the chicken gets a nice coat on it.

At this point, you should check on the fries, stir them up, break them apart if they're sticking, flip them over if one side's getting brown. You = Kasparov; keep those bitches in CHECK.

While waiting for the fries to fully brown, you should get started on the gravy. In a small nonstick frying pan, throw in a tablespoon of flour, and put it on a high heat. This step demands your attention - I like to get the flour itself a little brown before adding the butter, as it gives the gravy a slightly smoky taste, but you have to be really careful and make sure that it doesn't burn. This is why I use a nonstick pan instead of a pot - I keep stirring the flour to make sure it doesn't burn to the pan in one spot. Once the flour's slightly brown, add a tablespoon of butter, and mix it all in until you get a good roux. Immediately after this is done, stir in the beef broth. If yours is a little thick, add some water and let it cook down to a consistency you're comfortable with.

By now the fries should be done, so remove them (I use a metal spatula) to a plate with some paper towels, and season with salt and pepper. Next, add the chicken to the frying pan. Same rules as the fries - keep them in check while you prepare the Buffalo sauce.

In a small pot on a low heat, melt down the butter. Then stir in the Frank's Red Hot, garlic powder, and a little black pepper to taste. Add the chicken once it's fully browned on all sides, and stir it up good. It's probably not a good idea to breathe any of this stuff in, unless you have some serious sinus problems.

Put the fries on a plate, add the gravy, add the chicken, and you're done. You could also get some coffee cups and serve it in those if you're having a party, or want to take them jogging. I make this murderous treat fit into my active lifestyle.

NOTE - I originally wanted to make Buffalo Chicken Poutine, but I didn't have any cheese, and besides, I'd rather try that the next time I get my hands on some authentic Wisconsin cheddar curds. You, however, should totally throw your favorite cheese in the mix, as it's awesome - just throw it in between the gravy and chicken when you're stacking it all up, let it melt a little, and you're set.